So long and Thanks for all the fish

A father entered his daughter's bedroom and saw a letter on the bed.
With the worst premonition, he read it with trembling hands.

Dear Mum and Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he is so nice.
Especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle. But it's not only that, I'm pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams.

I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends. They're the one's providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want. In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure, so Ahmed gets better. He deserves it.

Don't worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement. Apparently I can earn £50 a scene. I get a £50 bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra £100 if they use the horse.

Don't worry Mum. Now I'm 15 years old, I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter, Aimee

p.s: Dad, it's not true. I'm watching TV at a neighbour's house. I
Just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than
ENGLAND GETTING BEATEN ON ***** PENALTIES AGAIN,.

I love you. Aimee